Random Rants and Ramblings ...what it says

As I do not have a Twitter, this is the only place appropriate for a short message dedicated to you that everyone else gets to read too.

Your strength and courage is what I find lovely about you. There is this boldness that permeates from the way you carry yourself, that I find lacking in myself, and being around you edifies me in these aspects as well. I can only pray that faced with whatever obstacles, you will always remember that you have the resources within to overcome.

Tough as nails, love.


Okay, perhaps it didn't turn out as short as I thought it would be. Or as masculine.

postscript: this counts as a Valentine's note

Have they really worked out for me? Last year I mentioned the need for carefully thought out resolutions, avoiding overly-specific one that serve little purpose and skim shallow depths of our potential.

The year has been, beyond a shadow of a doubt, incredibly eventful, so much has happened that I can barely remember the events as being just last year (not an excuse for my gradually fading memory box). I can remember the incredible Indonesia trip with friends that are literally for life;


the Convocation where you realize the years of groaning and moaning about exams and assignments are at an end (for most) and that the people you've shared a significant part of your life with are to pace their own path, diverging from the point where all had once stood still at;


to some really life-changing events;


some new beginnings:


growing out of just being an introvert playing with strings in a bedroom;



terrible first working experience (but experience nonetheless);

two concerts in quick succession;



as well as some stuffs I may have forgotten about, I'd say I'm amazed and grateful to be blessed with enough brain cells to even remember these events!

It has been a really eventful year with plenty of bumps and humps (sorry, desperate to make it rhyme here), and I can only hope that I would be blessed enough to carry on with having another great year ahead.

2011, I await.

When two forces act in opposing directions, the resulting effect is tension. More relevantly, when 'what is' isn't 'what should be', there is a discrepancy, and as these 'forces' move against each other, voila, tension.

Although I had mentioned about having a more optimistic and lighter post, I can see that it would be inaccurate for me to portray the events taking place in my life and the feelings I have about these events in such a manner. To be honest and bottomline it, I feel crappy.

Time has faded some anger and resentment, but my need to reconcile these emotions and my displeasure at being given the short end of the stick is still at tension. This has a lot to do with a recent 'failure' in a music project.

I feel strongly that music is both objective and subjective, contrary to popular opinion that it is purely subjective. The objective element of it is why I have no qualms about stepping up to anyone's face and point out, "Your music (taste) sucks, and it is true" if my limited knowledge and understanding indicates so (how's that for a tensed situation).

Unfortunately, I am not in the company of many in this aspect of being able to 'sense' and discriminate a fine musical 'wine' from a stale house variety, and thus, it is natural for me to be disappointed when decisions about music is placed in the hands of incapable judges (which there are many).

Simplified? I am disgusted with the musical taste and ignorance of the general masses. Talented musicians, I see them being homeless and playing to no one on the streets. Undeserving, limited and retarded entertainers (looking at you J.Beaver, and you too, Ca$ha) earning millions and millions, solely capitalizing on the vulnerable gullible masses who just can't get enough of trash. What a tension exists due to this discrepancy in justly rewarding and acknowledging the rightfully deserving.

Things do seem to be going well here onwards, have found a job at Sunway Group. Hopefully this is the right step forth. Would hope for breakthrough in musical pursuits as well, for people to really sit up and take notice, because I'm sure the music I'm involved in is far from crap.

Pleases me and unsettles me (another tension) to see many of my friends being blessed in their jobs and lives, affording progressively finer lifestyles. No idea if such a life is for me, but time will tell. I'll wait.

The unemployment statistic in Malaysia for the month of August is at 362,100 according to Labour Force Survey, Department of Statistics, Malaysia. Not too sure what the number is in October, but hey, +1 to it. Recently quit job as I found out that my EPF is not being paid despite being stated in my pay slip.

The experience has been pretty good, although I'm definitely not on same page as the management, I believe I learned more in my 4 months than most fresh graduates had in their first jobs. Was great to know that my effort and development was noticed as well, although I don't get any tangible rewards for it. Had it been more stable of a company, I'd imagine myself doing pretty well in terms of career progression. I guess it wasn't meant to be, so from the bottom again I go.

Have not been having the best of times, financial worries augmented by having no job. The pressure manifests itself in my daily life, so much so that I'm beginning to feel like something in me has changed. Perhaps its just me thinking too much. But I do feel as though I'm much lesser of what I used to be.

There are perks afforded by being jobless though, I do feel it is time to take a break and start playing music more regularly. I enjoy the extra sleep I've been getting as well, it's been so long since I had a good night's sleep.

There's a new addition to the random sounds I have in my head which I put up in the Sounds that I Hear tab at the side. Perhaps inspired by events in the past few weeks, which I can't sufficiently express through any other means.

Will post a more upbeat update soon, many more positive happenings have took place. Watch for that.

Yes, you've read it right. Bastards. No fluff, no gloss. No poetic titles. Stating the word as it is, in its derogatory and insulting form (not to be confused for labeling a kid conceived without a legitimate father, that's just uncalled for).

I'm sure that the murder(s) of a local millionaire and her escorts would be making news waves everywhere, perhaps less of a ripple by the time it reaches the States. Here's a quick recap in case:

"Cosmetic products tycoon, Datuk Sosilawati, was murdered (bashed, murdered, burnt and ashes scattered into a river) along with her three escorts (a lawyer, a personal finance consultant and a driver) in presumably a land deal gone wrong. The main suspects, a pair of brothers, one of which who is a Datuk, were arrested and as the investigations procede, they seem real likely to be the culprits as the details they have revealed pieces the puzzles of the case together. These honorary members of society (philanthropists, bah!) were barred lawyers, already suspected and stinking of being frauds and blackmailers in land deals. Their henchmen who carried out the bashing and murders were reported to be 'indebted' to the 'goodwill and favor' that was bestowed upon them by the brothers previously. Several other unsolved murder cases with similar modus operandi has been re-opened as the connection between the cases suggests strongly that these brothers masterminded them as well. Bastards"

An interesting fact that I found out thanks to working for a boss that came from the same hometown as the Datuk victim was that her "humble beginnings" actually involves serving people. And by people I mean guys. And by serving I mean, 'serve'. OK, enough with that.

I'm not trying to be a crime reporter or anything, but I just felt that I have to say something about it. The rat race that people are in to pursue their dreams of achieving Status, Money and Power looks so bleak and sounds so hollow; even more so than I already am disillusioned with. I am certain there would have been people who were aspiring, heck even envious, of the lawyer brothers who seemed really generous and active in community, on top of possessing all that wealth. Too bad the corruption in their hearts is something no amount of earthly goods can make up for. Its not always these polluted-at-heart people get convicted, but make no mistake: you don't get away with it when life is through here.

People ask me, "What's your 10 year plan? Where you see your life and career heading to?" Honestly, I wouldn't know what 's ahead for me, but I promise to pursue Righteousness and Truth in my quest to excel in the marketplace. To be someone with true Honor.

Not a Bastard.

Perhaps not really in context with the title, but I find my head racing and pounding with a whole lot of voices and noises about several things (so my head's really about to burst). Firstly (but yet, finally!), I have just been employed by a recruitment agency in Bangsar. Didn't manage to find out much about this company, except that it's growing pretty rapidly and is handling clients who are major banks in the country (Maybank anyone?). I pray that the company's a stable and steady ship, because that is really a concern with the number of weird companies around these days. Oh, and also found some local ethnic female complaining about an employee who was also named Ray who was working there a year or two ago and how he was really haughty towards her. Of course, this local ethnic female was LATE (7pm for interview, and next day public holiday, who's she kidding!) and seemingly underprepared. So much for a complaint. Wonder if anyone who comes across that whiny blog of hers would think I'm the haughty Ray.

Secondly, it has been brought to my attention (and I have been anticipating it) that a popular charismatic church in Singapore, which also has a branch here in the Klang Valley, had 17 members called in for investigation about misuse of church funds! Of course, I'm not trying to insinuate anything here, but rather state my wish that the TRUTH will prevail, because regardless of what the findings are, there still will be disgruntled voices. Sincerely hope that the people of the church will stand fast in their FAITH and not IDOLATRY or just mere ATTACHMENT to the church. Afterall, the real church is the people, not the walls and floor and ceiling.

Thirdly, I have had probably the toughest day ever (probably 2 days?) ahead of embarking on my career. I really wonder if I have the strength to persevere and the wisdom to be able to know what's right and the conviction to stay on that right path. Recalled the following quote, probably one of the best prayers I've ever heard:

God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.

---Reinhold Niebuhr

Hope all you guys are doing well, been trying to keep you all in prayer. Don't entirely know who reads this , but yes, even you, I pray for. And oh, babe, love ya! =)